My joy courses through my veins till it reaches my lips. Hers bubbles over in very single cell and she can’t keep still. We have a lot to learn from our children.
©bantugoddess 2014
Sep1
Jul28
Quiet whispers
Quiet whispers.
Tut tuts in the kitchen
The world is ablaze.
And we spit into the fire.
We all know what’s going on.
We know where we went wrong
But Lord help us should anyone know
Exactly where we stand.
Opinions watered down
In a sea of preferment.
You either dance to the song
Or sit yourself down.
No ones listening to your tune.
The death of our dreams lies in our apathy.
A programmed empathy only has one victim.
Yet we all bleed.
©bantugoddess 2014
Jul9
Silent Inferno
I’ve been
An angel
Martyr
Temptress
Seducer.
Victim
Fighter
Rebel
Wounded.
My hearts yearned
Loved and lost.
Emptied
The roots of hate and despair
Have grown in these soils
I’ve been someone’s pride and joy;
Their shame.
My laughter’s rung through the silent nights.
Grappling the heart of an unsuspecting lover,
I bat my eyelids and they fell to the floor.
I walked past them and no one turned their heads.
A sea of contradiction.
A vault of experience ,
The journey not over.
I seek the title of
Loved!
©bantugoddess 2014
Jun1
Day dreaming
I’ve been standing so straight my back hurts.
Landed flat on my feet each time, my knees are killing me.
The first cut sank deep I bled dry.
Constantly borrowing love, my transfusions eternal.
Pretended it didn’t hurt for so long I grew numb.
For a split second you were all I could see, breathe.
And now I’m stark naked , raw.
I want you with an aching that’s dissipated all unfeeling.
I’m barely in your universe but when I close my eyes, you’re breathing on my neck , touching me.
I’m infected by your existence.
Your brilliance awakens in me the truth I’d long buried.
I am love, loveable. I do love.
And oh, I want to love you. Consume your every desire.
Let you in, past every barricade and lie detector test.
Free falling!
I’m like a raging bull finely tucked away in a trinket box.
My composure belies the intense passion rising.
You loving me will just be the beginning.
What I have planned will play out in a lifetime.
©bantugoddess 2014
.
May13
May1
The distraction is real #bringbackourgirls #234
234 girls have been missing since April 16 and it’s been a side story for almost two weeks in my own life. I have had more to say about Donald Sterling’s stupidity but disappointing as it is I feel that the issue of our missing girls is a bigger issue for me in my life. I got to wake up my daughter from her slumber this morning but 234 rays of sunshine are missing from their parents lives; 234 potential breadwinners, 234 real people!!!
So often we complain that our issues as a people don’t make the headlines because of the color of our skin. How about we headline this issue on our FB pages and twitter feeds first, make it an issue in our lives before we tackle the big papers!
Post something , anything! Keep these girls on your minds.
Mar1
The first whispers of Spring!
These beauties may not see the dawn of summer
But their emergence is a subtle reminder to us that there’s always change and hope!
Spring is coming!
Feb13
Keep it clean!
Some days can be testing, but today, with the help of good friends I was reminded of the valuable lesson in patience and reflection. There’s nothing to be gained in lashing out and stooping to someone else’s level. The laws of nature have a great balancing effect. It was during this moment that I remembered Acts 17:28; and my mantra and response to today’s battles is (stolen from Oprah 😊) ” I look above their heads and know that in God I move and breathe and have my being” #ishallhavemyrecourse
Jan4
Dabbling in Kindness!
I’m constantly finding myself struggling with trying to find time for acts of of kindness and focusing on my own personal growth and issues.
There was a time I feel like the two weren’t mutually exclusive and in doing one – being mindful of the existence and needs of others- one found themselves in a state of constant growth. Lately it has been a great challenge to balance the two. I constantly find myself between periods of feelings of selfless abandon and selfish introspection. Personal growth has become more academic and prescriptive and less practical and engaging. The world on the other hand, has gotten bigger and our exposure to the number of people we need to spare a thought for has increased tremendously. The strangers with illnesses who’s pictures we are asked to “like” in order to cheer them on or to praise them for their clean bill of health occupy our newsfeed. We are now even asked to prove our faith by sharing a picture of Jesus.
I have made a conscious decision not to like any picture for which I haven’t the time or presence of mind to really spare a thought for. I feel our efforts sometimes really amount to nothing more than a guilt ridding act. We don’t really have the time or compassion to care, but that click and seeing the update in our newsfeed gives us comfort. But even that very decision feels uneasy; am I being overly analytical of what simply is a small act of kindness? Maybe it is better to have a minuscule effort than none at all?
What I do know is that today, I stopped to think about something; how I got this job initially on the basis of someone being on long term sick leave, and how they are still battling their illness. I thought about how many times, I probably moaned about waking up and how on very few occasions I spared much thought to the person who’s health situation afforded me this opportunity. And even as I did, I realised that the thought alone had no compelling effect. I don’t feel any guilt about the initial circumstances of my employment, as one knows life has an awkward sense of humour. But it did lead to me think that sparing a thought isn’t sufficient for my well being. My caring for others has been diminished to mere “spared moments” which at some point were sufficient to mask my guilt but over time has also contributed to my lack of tangible growth. While I may spare kind thoughts and engage in philosophical discussions on the grand issues of poverty, healthcare, I’m lacking on the acting part of it.
Its’s not that we spend a large amount of time on things that have little or no impact on the real life we live. Somehow social media has become the real life and the physical world we inhabit,a mere inconvenience and so we engage in little or no charitable efforts ; after all we liked and shed a few tears on the post of a dog that died saving a child.
Im hoping to do something I can be proud of this 2014.
Nov1
I am.
Somehow a system designed to keep me down has the propensity to make me great?
Someone’s trippin!
The gatekeepers hold the cards and the keys
I’ve just become great at reading their faces
They say sit back and we’ll fix your life
If their all up in my business who’s taking care of theirs?
Brings a new meaning to caught up in the matrix.
Dangling rights this rights this.
How are you gonna gift me something that’s not yours anyway ?
Crazy isn’t it?
Tax me, work me but I can’t choose who I sleep with?
Church and state, mutually exclusive?
Something’s got to give.
The thing about being a number is no one cares what you think or how you feel.
Use that, they won’t see you coming.
Im not blind or resigned,
I’m just trying to work out how to get up from underneath you.
It takes a strong soul to carry the weight of the worlds bull.
And a little common sense to realise that even pretension costs a lot these days.
The world had me thinking I had a lot of room to make up,
Things to have to give my life meaning
But at each turn, poor as I was
They robbed me blind.
Now my repossession order is out.
Im Taking back all the basics , self image, self respect and dignity , love for self,
And returning all the lies that made me a beggar in my own life.
Life’s promises are etched on the faces of all the faithful.
We just need to scrap through the excess makeup and see each other for what we really are, light chasers.
Do right.
Simplistically put.
But the barriers before me, try to impede my unfolding.
I’ve always been on my path. I just took a few more stops than intended
And now, no matter what’s brought before me,
The truth in me is my only compass.
Brenda Vengesa ©
BantuGoddess 