Author Archives: bantugoddess

May4

The Other

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The Other

  

There’s this little monster barely four feet tall

She started out needy, desperate for love and attention 

She was brilliant and obedient
Yet no one really noticed.
Now she’s the occasional bitch
That cuts you with words deep.
She’s at the tip of my tongue 
When I’m riled and annoyed
She would alienate me from all I love
If I let her free. 
That little girl in me still hungers 
For what can never be. 
But her breath is mine too
Intertwined, two hearts in one soul 
She would burn all the bridges
Just to prove a point 
Even if the very act 
Would be her final breath. 
So now 
When I catch her reflection in my own
I smile, 
And she smiles back. 
Apr1

When the well runs dry 

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They looked up to the sky
And back down to the well. 
They’d never seen its depth. 
They looked back up, and stopped at the tree branches. 
It was too depressing. 
The whispers grew to crowds
Even the men came round and sighed
The Gogos had never seen the water 
So low, 
They summoned the Headman come. 
His furrowed forehead mirrored 
The muddy floors 
They all looked expectantly in his direction 
He was no rainmaker and this was trouble in the making. 
They recalled the Oracle bent back and long dismissed 
Years of rain and ageing rendered her used. 
Her hut sat in solace on the mountains base
Pride rooted them to the ground
But the children ran in the direction of their stares 
They stood in the place that fortune had forgotten 
She was long gone. 
Mar4

Sugar Low

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Sugar Low

As part of my weight loss  journey I try to have zero carb days on my non workout days. I mentally prepare myself for it, also making sure I have my meals and snacks organised so that I do not reach for something that is a carbohydrate. Now, I have a lot of love for carbs, a little too much maybe, so this exercise is a lot about self control as it is about getting my body to a healthy state.

As I sat down at my desk at work this morning,  I found myself thinking,” its going to be a long day. ” And within a second of that,  a little voice said to me. “You’re lucky it’s  a zero carbs day. That means you still have Proteins, and greens to eat. Needless to say, the pity party was short lived. 

Yes, I am having a zero carbs day, But I am replacing all that with Protein, Veggies, Mushrooms and fats. I have options; not everybody does. The law of relativity brings things into perspective. When you look at your situation in relation to another, its either great or bad. If I see a healthy woman enjoying a red velvet cake, I might feel miserable. But faced with a woman forced to forgo meals so her children can eat, my zero carbs day is a luxury. I chose the latter. 

According to myfitnesspal, I still managed to get some carbs from the vegetables I ate so technically there is no “zero carbs day” but the objective for me is to reduce the levels of sugar in my system and when I’m not having an active day, I go a bit further and eliminate foods high in sugar. This includes fruits and even healthy options such brown rice, sweet potato and butternut squash. I’m getting better at it, and with the day’s meals done I’m proud of myself for sticking it out! 

What changes have you been struggling with? 

bantugoddess 



Feb19

Hypocrite much!

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Hypocrite much!

This morning, within a space of fifteen minutes my daughter managed to lose each of her gloves. The first one somehow slipped from her hands before we got on the bus after which I expressly told her to always put things in her pockets or bag. Needless to say, I was reiterating the same message when she realised she had left the last remaining glove on the bus.

At this point I was beyond miffed ( my explicit advice having been ignored). I asked her some rather redundant questions like why she had taken the gloves off in the first place and how she managed to just drop her gloves. Then a little memory popped in my head; my mother going in on me when I’d left a brand new satchel in an ET (emergency taxi for non Zimbabweans).

The biggest lesson so far for me as a parent has been on hypocrisy. We get these little people in our lives and its amazing how we gradually turn into our parents and ignore all our experiences as children in an effort to instil our authority. Im challenged so much now, I can only imagine what the teenage years will be like. I don’t want to pretend to be someone I am not and certainly not give off the impression that I was some goody-two-shoes: But I also want to give good counsel.

The teenage years are creeping on me and this may as well be my trial run. If I mess up this stage I’ll pay heavily for it. Im learning to listen more, hypocrites don’t. Im learning to say “I don’t now”, hypocrites know everything. And Im learning to trust her judgement, knowing that when it fails her, Im right there with her, not to scold or say I told you so but to help her understand that I still go through that too and its ok to get it wrong sometimes. It wont be the last. Sometimes I do wish parenting was easier but there is so much of myself that I know and understand thanks to the process. Besides, children provide the greatest material for tweets and status updates.

Often, when we say “I don’t understand how you could…” what we are really saying is ” I refuse to empathise” and in that moment we lose our right to give advise. If you don’t understand the situation, then you don’t really know what you’re talking about.

Note to self: Try a little tenderness!

Stay blessed

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Jan21

Say what!!!

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In recent days as the second half of my 30s approaches I’ve been caught up between taking an easy breezing approach or going into all out panic mode.

I am tempted to say ” where has the time gone!” But one of the things about being grown up is being able to smell your own BS, so i won’t even go there.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the “what have I done with my life” cycle, and while it is essential to evaluate ones progress it’s also important to give yourself a big hug for being in the very moment you occupy! Life is many things, and you’ve made it through all these.

On the eve of my 35th birthday, I stand in awe, and immense gratitude for all that I have been through. I’m finding that I will always have hopes and dreams. As one thing makes it off the list, something else comes on. So here’s to 35 years of of life, and to those who have taken this journey with me, willingly and otherwise, seatbelts on, I’m not fading!

Much love,

bantugoddess

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Nov23

Stop, Think… And Feel

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A video went viral this Friday showing a nanny abusing a young child. Recent reports state that this happened in Uganda and the nanny has since been arrested.

I personally could not watch the entire video and fast forwarded most parts. I rarely use the word evil but that’s exactly what it looked like to me. I couldn’t help wondering what was going on in her mind as she unleashed slap after slap to a defenseless little face. I imagined that she must be a very unhappy individual, disturbed even. But what disturbed me more was a comment I saw on one of the shared posts. This individual questioned the validity of the video and chastised the many nasty comments about the maid calling it “victimising”. The said individual highlighted two things

1. What had prompted the parents to secretly film the nanny?

2. There is a risk that this will tarnish the image of all nannies and put innocent ones under needless scrutiny.

I am sure as the story unfolds, we will find out. But given how brutal she was in that video it is likely (in my opinion) that the parents had noticed bruises/injuries which the nanny may well have explained away; not to the satisfaction of the parents hence the secret camera.

I was raised in Zimbabwe and with a working mother, the care of my brothers and I was the responsibility of a house girl; women we called Sisi (big sister). They were part of the family and most of them I recall with great fondness. But there is one who left a lot to be desired. My issue with this person’s response was that faced with visual evidence of violent chid abuse, all they could think of was the preservation of their lifestyle.

Nannies are common in many parts of Africa for most families. As a parent raising a child in the UK with no nanny or extended family assistance, I regard these women highly. How they got through all the housework whilst taking care of children every single day is beyond me. They are indeed warriors. But that can never excuse evil behavior. And questioning the parents in this situation is redundant.

I could make assumptions as to why someone would come to this conclusion but I too would be guilty of irresponsible critique. I am all for opinions. After all this is what this piece is. But in that moment, as I watched a young soul receiving a gruesome beat down, my heart went out only to that child. How one can choose to question evidence of blatant abuse is beyond me. If anything, this highlights how evil enters our lives. Were that his/her child I am sure that he/she wouldn’t have had time to process all that dribble.

In that video there were two people that clearly needed help but only one had control over the situation and used it in a most inhumane way. That little girl was entrusted to her and she let the child and herself down. That is the real issue.

Blessings.

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Nov17

End of year jitters

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There’s something about this time of the year that gets me all wound up.
Maybe it’s the apprehension of closing another year with little in the way of accomplishments. I have been feeling overwhelmed lately but I have as much on my plate as I did 6 weeks ago. So truly, the only thing that’s changed is my perception (and attitude).

It’s so easy to get caught up in our feelings and lose sight of how things really are. In retrospect I have had an awesome year. I am trying out so many new things and have accomplished a good deal Some things will not be complete by the year end but this isn’t a race. I set out a good plan and I need to stick to it. I’ve come this far and I won’t let the jitters get in the way.

Steady does it!

Anyone else been feeling overwhelmed?

Blessings.

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Sep8

“You’re not what I expected”: Tolerance of Intolerance.

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A friend of mine works as a Companion. This involves spending time with mainly older men and women who need someone to sit and chat with and on occasion, cook for them. On one of these visits she came across a client who, upon setting eyes on my dear friend, remarked that she was not what the client had expected. My friend, whom I shall call Kate, asked her what she could help with and the old lady responded that she would prefer that she leave.

Naturally, Kate felt very uncomfortable and called her office to inform her of the situation. The office instructed her to leave and that she would still be paid, rightly so. My dear friend however felt that her office should probably warn people ahead of her visit that she is …..Black!! Now I know exactly where she was coming from. She’s been through this before and in most cases the clients have been too “polite” or in greater need of company to ask her to leave. It’s an awkward and distressing situation that she would prefer to not go through again. What I don’t agree with is her or anybody else taking on the burden of someone else’s prejudices. A high melanin production is not an affliction that others need advance warning of.

Often we say that racism from the old is to be expected due to the era in which they come from . While I will agree that each generation has its prejudices and challenges I think we need to examine our response to and tolerance for this. Why do we give old people a pass when it comes to social prejudices? Would we accept this lady’s attitude had my friend been disabled for example? While this lady has every right to decide who sets foot in her home, she and others like her have to bear the burden of their discrimination. They should not be spared the opportunity to reflect on their narrow-mindedness.

Old age is a gift: the opportunity to continue to experience life and grow in mind and spirit. This unfortunate woman , with her intolerance of reality has done a disservice to herself. My friend is a beautiful human being and a brilliant cook and this lady will never know this. She may not care but I hope to reach the minds of those that do. So that as we age we don’t dig into our faults and allow them to limit our experiences. I am not advocating some sort of intervention for the elderly but I firmly believe that when we normalise such behaviour we give it room to thrive.

What disservice we do ourselves by denying ourselves the company of people because they are not like us or do not think like us. I believe that this journey we are on largely involves learning through experiences with other souls. Granted, part of living a healthy life is about identifying people who may be harmful to us. But if this profiling is based purely on appearance, generational hate and ignorance we have no right to be spared the embarrassment of our bias.

It’s never too late to change our way of thinking. Muhammad Ali had it spot on!

“A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted 30 years of his life.”

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Image courtesy of Dynamite Imagery at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Sep4

Polka dot

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Polka dot

“The soles of her feet were dotted; evidence of a barefooted childhood spent scouring the outdoors. But she wished she could rid herself of them, not for superficial reasons. They were a constant reminder of how far off from Joy she lived: Alienated from the part of her childhood that had been happy. But on the odd occasions that she allowed her mind to travel back in time , she was known to smile. ”

bantugoddess® 2014

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